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To bid – crucible and small
At the Gottman Lab couples spent 24 hours in an apartment, built into a lab. The couples started as newlyweds and came back annually for six years. Most couples ate, read, watched TV, talked and slept. As they were being monitored and later on also being looked upon through the eyes of a researcher. This is what Julie and John writes in their book; “10 principles for doing effective couples therapy”. “Janice Driver spent years working in the apartment lab, trying to ferret out what predicted sustained friendship and intimacy in these newlyweds. Driver was particularly intrigued by the minutiae of their smallest exchanges – the turn of a heat,…
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Fight fair and repair
Fight Fair and Repair – from the Chapter ”Agree to disagree”Excerpt from the book Eight Dates by John & Julie Schwartz Gottman and Doug Abrams & Rachel Carlton Abrams “Fights are going to happen in any relationship – it’s inevitable and it’s healthy – but research shows that couples who are genuinely happy in their marriage or relationship handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. They listen to their partners perspective, they seek to understand their partner, and they work together to find a compromise that works for them both. Sometimes we say and do things that damage our partner. We forget seeking understanding, and we give a 20-minute diatribe…
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Feeling attractive and desired…
How aware are you of when you feel attractive and desired? Feeling attractive. It could feel like the most difficult task ever. Or maybe the opposite. It could be very easy for you to feel attractive. Maybe you are a user of our app and just received a challenge to let your partner know what makes you feel attractive, or maybe you just found this post and wanted to read more about attraction and desires. Welcome to you all. The challenge is to become aware of when you feel attractive. What makes you feel attractive. And share it with your partner. Every day for a full week. We do hope…
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Our agreement
… I believe that the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. Esther Perel As Esther so well puts it in the quote above, the quality of your life can get better if you add more quality to your relationship. We are glad that you have found us and our app. We wish for you to have good quality in your relationships. In this app we focus on your primary romantic relationship. As you are here reading this you seem to take your relationship seriously. And it seems you want to work on it. Improve it. Make it more sustainable. Make it a little bit better every…
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“in a non-judgmental way”
As you will find (or already have found) we encourage you very often to listen to your partner while s/he shares something with you. Reflecting together. Listening when someone shares a story from their childhood, an event from the day och their biggest passion. Whatever it is that is being shared, your task is to listen as closely as possible. Without any judging thoughts or remarks. Listen with your curiosity. Listen to really hear not only what is being said, but perhaps how it is being said, if there are any facial expressions, or body language. Take all of that in. And do leave all of your preconceptions at the…
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The ebb and flow of a relationship
Do you have the relationship you want? Do you and your partner have the relationship you both want? Do you have the sex life you want? Do you and your partner have the sex life you both want? Do you put time and effort into becoming a better partner? Do you invest time and effort in your relationship? Do you help your partner become a better partner? Do you let your partner help you become a better partner? What steps do you take to become a better lover for your partner? What steps do you let partners help you with so that you become a better lover? How do you…
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Fantasies about sex
To have sexual fantasies is easy for some and more difficult for others. In my sex-talk groups I have met a lot of women who share with the group that they never fantasize. About sex. Never. I usually ask them to give themselves permission to let that part of their erotic intelligence wake up. To fantasize is just like any other super-power. It can be hidden when you want to. No one knows you own it. But it will make you into a better lover. For your self and your partner. Next time you notice something turning you on, do not smash it and shove it under the mental carpet.…
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The art of seduction
Seduction. So easy or so damn difficult? Easier to be seduced, to feel seduced or easier to seduce someone else? Our brain is our biggest sexual organ. Yep. That is, if you like us believe in the erotic intelligence. That you, with your mind and senses, can be seduced and turned on (or off) in the blink of an eye. Or close to that. So how do you become more erotic intelligent? One of the steps is by coming aware of what you like and dislike. What turns you on and off. What your partner like and dislike. Plus be willing to explore these areas together. How you do it?Well,…
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4 silly questions…
The questions What’s your favorite animal and why? What’s your second favorite animal and why? What’s your favorite beverage and why? What do you think when you see the sea? The true meaning to the answers Are you ready for the explanations to see the “meanings” that these answers describe? Check them out in the link here or read more below. This game from Mr Bas Klinkhamer is a game using the psychological mechanism of projection. Question 1 is about the qualities that you appreciate in yourself, and of which you are aware. Question 2 is about qualities you also have, but of which you are less aware – or…
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Practice gratitude – a tool for you
To be grateful can be a useful tool in your life. Science suggests that expressing gratitude boosts both your health and spreads happiness around you. Here are a few simple exercises to help you build your capacity for gratitude. We say “thanks” a dozen or more times a day: when someone holds a door open, bags our groceries, puts a report on our desk. It’s a reflex, an unaware reaction to simple daily happenings. We just say it, most often without really acknowledging the person we’re thanking. It is like a routine. Yet as easy as it is to engage in a “thanks—no problem” exchange in our daily routines, we’re…