Anonymous Alcoholics – surely you have heard, read or seen some parts of that work through watching series on Netflix or other channels. What have the AA to do with this app? The Lovers App?
Well, as it turns out you need to create a space for each other in your relationship where you can feel at ease, swim fully in the swimming pool of uncertainty and confusion. And at the same time take turns in steering this ship of yours through (maybe) dark and murky waters.
One of you might feel more helpless at times, or just more exhausted from work och house hold chores. Hopefully life works with you so that you can take turns in holding space for each other. Sometimes you might have to take a break from this work of yours.
To hold space could be seen as what Brene Brown would call
“What I really need is a Vulnerability anonyms meeting – a gathering place for people who like to numb the feelings that come with not having control, swimming in uncertainty or cringing from emotional exposure. “
Can you commit to create such a space for yourself and your partner?
A space free of judgement and certainty of preconceived assumptions, and free of stormy first drafts (ie SFD) (you know the ones that your brain want you to believe because they confirm everything it wants you to believe). If they do turn up, the SFD´s, make sure that you use all your skills from talking about difficult subjects, tell your partner about the SFD´s, tell the SFD´s you don’t need them and perhaps be rid of them for a while.
With this space you will be more willing to challenge yourself and your assumptions. With this space your partner will feel at ease sharing their needs and longings. As will you.