A common myth is that there is something serious about the relationship if the parties need to work to keep the fire alive. This can cause sex to become anxious.

Yes, that’s it. You need to work on wanting your partner. For the remainder of your relationship. To desire him or her every day.

All you want to do or have in life you need to strive for.
Apply time and effort.
Maybe spend some money on it.
Receive help from someone who knows a little more than you right now.
You need to focus on what you want to grow in your life.
You need to have an intention, a reason to help you stick to what you want to achieve. So what you want to achieve should be special to you. Important to you. Like for example. your desire for your partner.

New Year’s resolutions to train and eat better ….

We all recognize the idea that pops up from time to time. Maybe I should practice a little more, keep in shape. Eat better, more vegetables, less red meat. Reduce the alcohol. And so on. All training facilities usually increase their turnover during the month of January. More crowded and more people go to the training classes. Because they have set a goal – that they want to train more and eat better.

In reality the promises and the intention of the goal changes over the course of the year. Reality and everyday life are moving on and it is not as easy to adhere to the promise you once gave yourself. The importance of really wanting, the true intention that cannot be broken to you and others.

So, a promise of more desire – can it attract you to set an intention?
How much time and commitment are you prepared to add to increase your desire for your partner?

I think you have now understood that desire will not appear spontaneously at just the right moment. Nor for you or your partner. So, then we play with the idea that you are actually prepared. You have a strong confidence in yourself that you will increase your desire. But, you don’t know how. How will I be more hungry, filled with desire and think my partner is hot and sexy?

What can you do?

  • scheduling your sex life – decide in advance that you should have sex and when – make this a joint journey in more pleasure and desire for each other
  • investigate which “brakes” you have for sex and desire – perhaps by looking at Emily Nagoski’s exercises “Turn Off Off´s”.
  • Breathe – preferably all the way down to “there”…
  • go on activities together – preferably ones where you are active with the body
  • remind each other of how it was when you first met
  • act irresponsibly for a moment / a night and ask someone to babysit if necessary so that the two of you get one morning / afternoon / evening / night together without having to be responsible adults – like you “play hookey” from adult life
  • be in your body – perhaps through physical exercise or a massage
  • let go of thoughts and other things that move your attention from how it feels to be in your body – maybe meditate or try a body scan exercise?
  • or maybe try something that you never tried before and curiously explore what awakens within you
  • own suggestions
  • your partner’s suggestion

Whatever you choose, the intention that you do choose to do this is probably the one that will help you all the way.
The intention that every day feel desire towards your partner.
If so only for a moment, maybe a longer eye contact than you usually have. Stay curious and explore how your body feels … and maybe, just maybe you can extend the desire in you and stay in the moment a little bit longer.


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