As we grow up in a family, community and society we all receive messages around sex. Some are subtle, others very clear. It is very useful for us all to understand more of where our conceptions, beliefs and thoughts origin from. Once we can see them as not attached to us, maybe also understand why we believe a certain thing, once we can understand and be more aware of where we learned about sex – then we can learn to change our beliefs and thoughts to the ones we would like to have.
What messages did you hear in your childhood about sex?
Or the opposite…what did you not hear?
Are you willing to engage in a discussion with a few close friends, or perhaps with your partner? Below I have listed some material shared by Pam Costa and her blog Downtothere.com
Are you ready to start the conversation with these myth-starters. Common myths around sexuality that will hopefully get you started in a conversation.
- Myth: “If I have higher or lower sexual desire than my partner, something is wrong with me or my partner.”
- Myth: “Men are always ready for sex.”
- Myth: “If my partner really loved me, they would know what I need.”
- Myth: “Pornography sex is what real sex looks like.”
Take turns in sharing your beliefs around the myths above and make sure you all listen to each other without judgement. Rather with an open and curious mind. Hopefully you will come to see that these are really myths and not truths.
You seem to be ready for part 2 of this session with close friends or partner. So here comes Pam´s suggestion for discussion prompts:
- What messages did you receive as a child around sexuality? In your home, in the community, in the world?
- What messages do you receive now? How do these impact your sex life today?
- What messages would support a healthier relationship with your body and sexuality?
Opening up to a topic of sex and your beliefs around it can be challenging. I hope that this discussion with your friends made you see that it can feel safe, and also invigorating. Sex is a part of most persons lives, but far too seldom do we dare to look and question our beliefs around sex. Yet when we do it can be liberating. I sincerely hope it felt good for you. And the others.