I turn myself on when I……
or
You turn me on when you…….
When you are talking to yourself or to your partner around turn ons and turn offs, what does it sound like?
Are you taking responsibility for turning yourself on, for your arousal?
Or are you letting your partner take all the responsibility for your arousal and excitement? Do you need your partner to ignite your arousal, turning you on to want sex?
How is your usual internal conversation or the one with your partner?
Can you take more responsibility than today and keep your arousal simmering? Can you own your excitement around sex? Can you turn your own arousal and excitement up easily when you want to?
Maybe it is a mix of both. And maybe this is the first time you have actually reflected on this.
Regardless of how it is today for you and your partner,
try the exercise below.
- Sit down both of you, but apart from each other, or at least so that you cannot see what the other is writing.
- Write a list of 10 things where you start every sentence with the following words:
I turn myself on when I…… - Take a break and maybe hug or kiss, but try to keep the silence between you until the exercise is completed.
- Sit down again as in no 1.
- Write a list of things where you start every sentence with the following words:
I turn myself off when I…. - Take a new break and stay close to each other. Still in silence.
- As time is ready, perhaps the same day as you wrote your lists or another day.
Sit down together and share your lists with your partner. Make sure you take full responsibility for your own words and reflections.
Keep an open and a non-judging attitude towards yourself and your partner through the exercise. Make sure to appreciate each other and the sharing. - Probably this has led to a sexual moment between you two.Enjoy!
Good luck!
Below you will find Therese Mabon´s lists. Her blog is in Swedish. And she is one of the founders of this website as well as one of the proud founders of The Lovers App.
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[…] of the steps is by coming aware of what you like and dislike. What turns you on and off. What your partner like and dislike. Plus be willing to explore these areas […]