• Articles,  Cards

    To bid – crucible and small

    At the Gottman Lab couples spent 24 hours in an apartment, built into a lab. The couples started as newlyweds and came back annually for six years. Most couples ate, read, watched TV, talked and slept. As they were being monitored and later on also being looked upon through the eyes of a researcher. This is what Julie and John writes in their book; “10 principles for doing effective couples therapy”. “Janice Driver spent years working in the apartment lab, trying to ferret out what predicted sustained friendship and intimacy in these newlyweds. Driver was particularly intrigued by the minutiae of their smallest exchanges – the turn of a heat,…

  • Articles,  Cards

    Fight fair and repair

    Fight Fair and Repair – from the Chapter ”Agree to disagree”Excerpt from the book Eight Dates by John & Julie Schwartz Gottman and Doug Abrams & Rachel Carlton Abrams “Fights are going to happen in any relationship – it’s inevitable and it’s healthy – but research shows that couples who are genuinely happy in their marriage or relationship handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. They listen to their partners perspective, they seek to understand their partner, and they work together to find a compromise that works for them both.  Sometimes we say and do things that damage our partner. We forget seeking understanding, and we give a 20-minute diatribe…